Once there was a land that was very hot. Some called it the land of the scorched earth—well, really only one person did but that was enough as she had much influence. Her constituents trusted her with their lives and would have applauded her had they any hands. They would have sang her praises if they had mouths or vocal cords but, as it was, they appreciated her as much as insentient beings can. Her name was Princess Kate, no relation to Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge, of course. Our Kate was Princess of the Prairie Remnant
Princess Kate was a Virgo and as such had a reputation for liking to have everything in its place. It is unfair to call her bossy and it is believed this rumor was started with the honeysuckle being miffed it was ripped from its roots. A startling event for the honeysuckle, this is true but as Princess Kate points out it was an invasive species. Sometimes one must be fierce when protecting their kingdom. Princess Kate would not tolerate musk thistle or tall fescue for the same reason. But most of her kingdom was left to frolic in abandon. Bearded beggar ticks and bastard toadflax, loved and adored. Mead’s Milkweed especially esteemed. Bluebirds and robins filled the sky. Brown headed cowbirds though native were not encouraged due to their deceitful habit of laying their eggs in other birds nest so that they need not be bothered with caring for them. Very rude really.
All in all it was a magical remnant where Princess Kate gamboled about joyfully, bullfrogs trumpeting her arrival at their murky herp ponds, whippoorwills serenading her repose in the cedar grove. Hedge trees tossing her apples playfully and not maliciously as it might first appear. Peace and prosperity prevailed in the prairie. Gnomes lallygagged amidst the wild blue indigo. Pixies gallivanted among the common spider wort. That is, if the latter two fantastical beings actually existed or were merely the figments of cannabis laced imagination, Hard to know. Anyway, Princess Kate sang happy tunes to her subjects who never complained even when they were occasionally crushed by her sturdy work boots at those times her dancing accelerated exuberantly.
However, one summer it came to pass greenhouse gasses expanded well beyond their bounds. One can hardly blame them, though as they were provoked unmercifully by deforestation and the mad burning of fossil fuels. As the summer wore on the gasses were more and more pressured, sinking their moods significantly (it could happen to anybody!) Depression then led to acting out so that no other weather system could find room to squeeze in. Now blue skies are nice and all if one is somewhere over the rainbow but weeks on end with no clouds results in brutal sunlight, searing heat, and as Princess Kate came to realize—scorched earth.
Princess Kate rallied as well as she could, a wide brimmed hat ensconced flirtatiously upon her head, Ray-bans shielding her eyes, she wielded garden hoses as if they were sabers but desperate hope and garden hoses can only reach so far and in this case, not far enough. Each day the temperature rose along with the humidity. The wild hyacinth wilted. The coral berry and buck brush were about ready to give up the ghost. Princess Kate’s eyes filled with tears but tears a rainstorm do not make. In her grief she began to hum a funeral dirge which quickly evolved into other songs that might or might not inspire rain –as Princess Kate was agnostic the jury was out on this one.
Cradling a dwarf larkspur, she began with Kathy’s Song:
“And so you see, I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true…
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you-
And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you, go I!”
And, of course, this easily segued into:
“I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain—
I only wanted one time to see you laughing,
Laughing in the purple rain!”
Considerably cheered up with this snappy song the next lyrics came as if inspired:
“Whenever skies are gray
Don’t you worry or fret
A smile will bring sunshine (yech!)
And you’ll never get wet!”
As this last song was “Let a Smile be Your Umbrella” Princess Kate was seized by brilliance. She ran to the shed which was a repository for all things necessary, unnecessary and in between. And though she was not a pack rat, some with whom she commingled were, lucky for her! She rooted among the pruning shears and bungee cords, the recyclables and all terrain bicycles. By now she was singing Rolling Stones, confident because though some do not always get what they want yet, when they still try, they find they get what they need—in this situation both were the same. Princess Kate found what she wanted and needed marching triumphantly back into the prairie where, one by one, she planted hundreds of tiny umbrellas—one for each faltering bit of flora. Other umbrellas she placed randomly for any mole or toad who might be passing by and find sweet shade a solace to the soul.
She couldn’t be sure if it was just her imagination or what but it seemed to her the prairie sighed a sigh of relief. In fact, it seemed to be humming! She cocked her head just so to better hear what seemed like a thousand tiny voices singing:
“Long live our noble Queen
Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over us!”
And that is how she got to be Kate-Queen of the Scorched Earth! Queen Kate surveyed her land, little fires blazing up here and there but mostly native plants sitting cool and comfortable under their tiny umbrellas. With a happy tear in her eye, she sang:
“I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain,
I’ve seen sunny days I thought would never end
“I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,
But I always knew, dear prairie remnant, I’d see you again!”
Stay tuned for the next installment—Queen Kate, the Opera aka Kathy Sings Karaoke in Drexel!
